Dear kid's (Chapter Three)

Dear kid's

by: Jean Mason

Chapter three

The next day I was walking in the yard watering the plants that looked thirsty sence it was 87 degrees outside that day I heard the phone ring inside before I even shut the hose off it went off and I assumed that Frank had picked it up, I had assumed right since just after he rushed out of the house and asked me if I would be ok with watching the kids for a "couple of hours" I laughed SO hard at that I nearly squirted myself with the hose, "I am their mother, I'm not dead yet" he had been smiling but after that he frowned and told me "still a little too soon for jokes like that."

I knew he would never be ready for "jokes like that" he was still having some problems with the thought of me dyeing I tried to smile but he looked so sad, so I hugged him and he said he would see me later, then left, I wondered why he was leaving but when I opened my mouth to ask he was pulling out of the yard so I slowly forgot, and then I went inside to find out what my children were doing,

Well as I walked in the door I saw Brigit sleeping in her high chair, I chuckled a little inside, but went over and moved her to her little pink bed, and walked out to clean the mess that was left from lunch,

when I got back into the kitchen I saw Mark and hope racing out of the kitchen, so of course I ran after them, I did try calling out but they didn't turn back so I kept going, of course they were much faster then me but I was able to catch hope to turn her around and see a two handfuls of bread that she was carrying, her face was so shocked that I nearly laughed, and yet I knew I had to keep a straight face, at least to ask her why she and her brother had not answered me, so I bit my lip then said sternly,

"what are you doing with this?" she stared at me a moment and then told me that it was a 'secret' I stared at her for a second "you may not keep secrets from your father or me, you know that, now what is the bread for?" she shigd as if she were vary saddened by the fact that I forgot that rule, then she finaly spoke up, "Me, Luke and Mark found a cat outside on the road and we were going to feed it because we wanted to keep it for a pet." I stared blankly at her and then spoke, "A ca-at? I mean how did you even get it back here?" she smiled and said "Well we carried it most the way but when we got into the yard we just hid it inside Luke's hat and then we put it in the back shed with the yard tools and-" I didn't really want to hear much more I got the picture, so I told her to take me out to her brothers and as I walked into the front yard saw it, a tabby cat with a black spot that went from the top of it's head all the way to it's tale... I guess you could call it a "racing stripe" that what my children did, from then on it's name was racer witch I didn't think was a proper name for a cat but we feel in love with him he was sweet and would sit on the back deck in the mornings holding a dead rat, as if he was supposed to get some kind of a prize,

Anyway, when I came back in Ella was writing a letter most likely to one of her friends in ohio I did wish that she could hang out with them more but she never complained about it, after all she was the oldest, I heard brigit crying so I walked back into her room to find her on her belly awake and screaming after changing and feeding her she settled down to simply "cooing" while I held her, when I heard the front down swing open and I tried my best to get there quickly to find out what was going on, my husband Frank was carrying in two suitcases and then in came my father...

I didn't know what to say I couldn't even think all I could think about was that he had hung up on me and I just assumed that meant he wanted nothing to do with me, before I could say anything he rushed forward and hugged me, I burst into tears and all I could get out of my sobs was "How could I have been so stupid?- I'm so sorry-" he cut me off "it's OK, you didn't know" I didn't know what that meant but it made me feel better, and I was ok with that,

later he told me that he was moving down to make sure we were all right, that he 'Already lost one person to this he wasn't going to lose another' I felt that I should have told him to stop, stop looking for experimental cures, that this was my time and he had to let go of me, but there was no point he said he would never forgive himself if I died and he hadn't done, everything he could for me, then he would have failed as a father I tried to talk him out of it, but in the end Frank ended up joining him researching going to hospitals, they tried not to put to much stress on me thankfully because Frank knew how little I wanted them to fight this, sure, I wanted to be there for my kids, but God givin me a hand and I wasn't going to fight what I had coming to me for a while, I prayed about it sure, I even prayed for him to take it away, or why did it have to be me, my family, but in the end it's what God wants and if that is what he wanted I wasn't going to spend my last hours in a wheelchair with air toobs up my noes waiting for someone to feed me some really gross apple sauce, I was going to be home, with my family, saying goodbye to my loved ones,

It was five more months before they finally stoped looking for a "fix" I had already stopped trying so it didn't really even matter, after that I signed a pice of paper that told them that if I went into a comma or could only be alive on life suport that they were to "pull the plug" because I was already dead and my body didn't need all of that for me to move on, I didn't tell frank or anyone else for that matter it was strictly something I needed to do without anyone telling me what they would do, because it didn't matter, they weren't here,

after about a year of being able to move about without interruption I lost an ability that I had crawled for three years to achieve, I could no longer walk, bed ridden for what was left of my life.